The War Inside Us
by ICanHearThemToo
Summary: There were only two things i was sure of. Firstly, i had once again somehow managed to defy Death himself. I wondered how pissed Death was at my inability to just die. Second, i was sure that Lucius Malfoy was still out there. He was still running free and just like Death, he would be pissed when he found out i was still alive. SEQUEL TO GHOST FROM OUR PAST. Discontinued.
1. Prologue

"You don't love me, Draco. You said so yourself…"

"I lied," he whispered, running his free hand through his hair. "I- I had to say something that would keep you away- I thought that if you stayed away from me, you wouldn't get hurt." He leaned closer but I refused to meet his gaze, instead focusing on my feet. "Please, forgive me." He voice was barely a whisper. I wanted to forgive him, hold him, kiss him and tell him I loved him too. But all the pain inside me spilled out and took control of my emotions, my mind, my mouth. My tear-filled eyes flashed with anger as they met with his.

"How _dare_ you think I can forgive you for that!" I choked out, using every ounce of energy in my body to reclaim my hand from his firm grip. I propped myself up with one elbow. "You broke my heart, said you didn't love me, and left me. I loved you, but it didn't matter how I felt, did it?" I fell back onto my pillow with a grunt, pushing the blond away when he tried to apologize again, tried to help me. "No- Don't touch me." I snapped, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.

"Imogen," he pleaded, heartbreak evident in his voice. "I'll do anything. Just please don't give up on me. I'm begging you to forgive me-"

"Just stay away from me, Draco," I murmured. He opened his mouth to speak, hurt filling his eyes. "Go!" I screamed, turning my head to face the other direction. I jumped as Draco stood, the chair he once occupied crashing to the ground. Seconds later, the massive doors of the Hospital Wing slammed shut behind the boy I loved, didn't _want_ to love anymore. For now, I wanted revenge. Lucius Malfoy had instilled fear in my life, and that wasn't acceptable. The bastard was still running free, waiting to kill me. But I was ready. I'd get him before he got me.

I knew Draco loved me. I knew I loved him too, but I was too hurt to care. I needed time think, time to hurt, time to hate…

NOT THE END…

* * *

December 31

Numb.

I sat in front of the fireplace in the Head Dormitory common room, hands outstretched toward the flames. I was nearly close enough for the flames to lick my fingertips. I could feel the heat on my skin. Any normal person would pull their hand back, crying in pain. Not me. I didn't feel a thing.

Still.

The world keeps on turning. It ignores your cries when you fall. It doesn't give a shit.

Empty.

I had spent every night since Christmas Eve forcing every ounce of feeling from my cold broken body.

I had spent all week alone and retreating deeper into myself. Madame Pomfrey tried her best, tried to get me talking as she mended my crumpled body. I had nothing to say. What would it matter anyway? I could only imagine the look on her face when she came to check on me earlier in the day only to find an empty bed.

When i had made my way back to the Head Dorms, i found it empty much to my relief. I could not bear to be around anyone. Especially him. I would relish the peace and quiet whike i could. My classmates would returned in a few days and then i would have to put in a mask. I would have to pretend to be fine.

10...

My dry eyes burned as i stared, unblinking, at the roaring fire.

9...

I began to hum, breaking up the silence that made my ears ring.

8...

I hummed louder as i flicked another of the pictures i had torn from the family collage i had taped over my bed. I couldn't stand to look at them and their happy, fake faces.

7...

I tossed the last few pictures into the fire. Saying goodbye to the memories i once cherished.

6...

Who the hell am i?

5...

I had no clue. I knew nothing anymore. There were only two things i was sure of. Firstly, i had once again somehow managed to defy Death himself. I wondered how pissed Death was at my inability to just die.

4...

Second, i was sure that Lucius Malfoy was still out there. He was still running free and just like Death, he would be pissed when he found out i was still alive.

3...

I wriggled my toes and pressed them against the freezing floor.

2...

I drew my wand.

1...

Little fireworks shot from the tip of my wand and into the air about me. I laid back on the cold hard floor of the Head Dorms common room.

"Happy New Year, Imogen," i whispered.

* * *

Note: my apologies for the wait, lovelies! I cant wait to continue this adventure with you all. See you soon 3


	2. Chapter 1: Bite Your Tongue

_I lay on the ground, taking a beating far more intense than any he'd forced upon me before. my hands were crushed, fingers shaky and broken. He threw so many blows to my stomach i had lost count, lost my breath. I gasped for the oxygen my body so urgently begged for, tears spilling over onto my bloodied and bruising cheeks. This was it. This was how i was going to die: bloody and battered and unloved._

 _Unloved. The world seemed so real, so menacing. It was one thing to know you're unloved. But to hear it. My heart broke a little more as his words echoed in my mind. I never loved you..._

 _"I did hope you would understand why it has to be this way, Imogen love," Lucius said with a laugh as i clung to the railing of the balcony. I stared at the castle ground below me, now covered in a beautiful fog. My ears were ringing and my head throbbing. I just wanted this to be over. I prayed for an end. I screamed out in shock as a loud crack rang out, a sharp seering pain lashing out throughout my back. Lucius had conjured a whip, beating me mercilessly. "Unfortunately for you, I like to play with my food before. I. Kill. It." As her said each word another lashing would collide with my back. I was out of tears, the pain fading as i though i was going to black out._

 _"Please," I mustered up. "Just kill me." I begged him, my voice barely audible._

 _"As you wish," he grinned and with a flick of his wand i was upright, levitating above the ground. He guided my body over the edge of the railing. "Any last words? Most heroine's have famous last words."_

 _He seemed to be proud of his little joke. I managed to forced out the last words i would every speak._

 _"I've never loved anyone the way I loved your son," I managed. A singled stray tear fell from my eyes. Lucius frowned._

 _"How boring," he commented, releasing his levitation spell. I was sent falling, the ground quickly approaching. I closed my eyes and waited for the crash, accepting my death with open arms._

 **January 4**

With a gasp, my eyes fluttered open. It took me a few moments to catch my breath and collect my thoughts. I glanced over at my alarm clock, somewhat annoyed when I realized it was only 5AM. There was no way i would be able to sleep after a nightmare like that. I wouldn't be able to close my eyes again if i wanted to, so i just lay there in my bed and listened. I listened for any indicator that I was not the only one awake this early. Breakfast did not begin until eight. I forced myself into an upright position, stretched out my arms and arched my back. With a groan, I forced myself out of the bed and over to my vanity. I took in my reflection with a critical gaze. The room was still dimly lit, but i could see the bruises on my arms and legs were yellowing, and the scarring from that night were almost completely healed thanks to Madame Pomfrey.

I dared a looked at my face. The girl in the mirror met my gaze and her face instantly contorted into a look of disgust. I could barely recognize her with the dark bags under her eyes and her lips frozen into a small frown. I wanted to yell at her to smile, smirk, grin.. just show any other emotion outside of tired or pissed or infuriated. Then the small teardrops beside her eye caught my attention. I raised my wand to the spot they sat, the girl in the mirror following suit. With a twist of my wand, the 3 tear drops were gone.

I then turned my attention to my hair and did my best to brush through the tangled waves and flowed down to my waist. As i did so my eyes wandered back up to meet my reflection's. I looked exhausted. Weak. Sudden anger burst through my veins and a low growl escaped from between my lips. In one quick motion I chucked the hairbrush across my bedroom and pulled open my vanity drawer. I dug out the pair of scissors and looked back at my reflection with pure anger. I grabbed a chunk of my hair and brought the blades of my scissors up against the locks.

With one quick _snip_ , my hair was falling to the floor. I hesitated, staring in slight shock at my reflection. What had i just done? I was mortified. But in a way, watching the chunk of hair hit the ground brought on a small wave of relief. I grabbed another handful of hair and cut again, and again. Over and over until there were no longer longer and beautiful locks flowing down to right above my hips. The Imogen in the mirror had chunky, uneven hair that stopped just above her shoulders.

I heard a small creaking and my eyes stared at the reflection of my bedroom door. Gentle, sleepy eyes met my reflection's gaze. Hermione looked back at me with disbelief in her eyes. I pulled myself away from her gaze and looked back at myself as she cast a spell to light up my bedroom. For the first time in days, I took the time to take in my full appearance in full lighting. The steel walls i had put up around my emotions crumbled as I took in my reflection fully and i crumbled into a fit of quiet tears.

"Oh, Imogen," Hermione said, her voice breaking and dripping with sadness. She came over to me and rubbed my back gently. As she did so, she set to work with her wand, mumbling spells as she aimed at my hair. She set it all to one length at my shoulders and cast a spell at my floor to make the mess of hair at my feet vanish. "I'm so sorry." Her apology was so quiet i almost missed it.

"Me too," I replied weakly. With a sigh, she turned me to face her and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. I relaxed into my friend, absorbing her warmth and embracing her attempt at comfort.

 **Later that morning.**

I took my time getting ready. I replaced my fishnets with black knee high stockings and slipped into my black flats. Leaving it untucked, I button up my white shirt and pull my tie tighter around my neck. As I pulled on my balck Hogwarts robe, I turned my attention to my reflection in the mirror. Hermione had set my hair to one length that allowed it to fall in loose curls around my face.

I jumped when I heard a door outside my own bedroom slam. I listened as quick footsteps scrambled around the common room. A few moments later I heard the portrait hole open and shut and gathered my bags and exited my room to head for the Great Hall for breakfast.

I took my time heading downstairs, eyes locked on the floor. The last thing I wanted to do was attract attention from anyone. I just wanted to blend in.

 _Oh my God, is that Imogen?_

 _What happened to her tattoos?_

 _Why isn't she dressed funny?_

I did my best to ignore them and only looked up when I entered the Great Hall. Taking my usual spot with my friends, I grabbed a piece of toast and a spoonful of eggs. Ron and Harry were in the middle of discussing their careers after graduating. Hermione was reading through Hogwarts: A History for the 50th time while Ginny told her all about the gnomes she was constantly at war with in her back yard back home.

I took a small bite out of my toast, not really tasting it at all. I was dreading my lessons, namely Potions. With him. A pale, freckled hand reached out and placed itself on top of mine to calm its shaking.

"You'll be okay, 'gen," Ginny reassured as I looked up at her. I nodded in acknowledgement and she gave my hand a squeeze. "I've got you. I don't know what happened and I don't need to know. Just know you aren't alone."

My body shook as I took in her words, trying to hold back tears. Ginny never tried to ask me what had happened when my group of friends returned to Hogwarts a few days ago. While Harry and Ron tried to force questions out of me she just sat down with me and held my hand. I couldn't bring myself to come out with what happened. I couldn't bring myself to relive it so I would just bite my tongue.I just shook my head whenever they asked.

When Ginny released my hand, I chased my eggs around the plate and waited for time to pass. Eventually Harry and Ron left for Potions. Ginny waved for them to go on without the girls that remained there. A few minutes later, Hermione announced she had to stop off at the library before lessons began and bid Ginny and I farewell.

I watched as the brunette left the Great Hall and turned back to Ginny. As I did so, a firm hand grasped my shoulder. I jumped at the sudden contact and looked up to meet the dark eyes of Blaise Zabini.

"Good morning, Zabini," Ginny said casually as she told the last bite of her apple. "How was your holiday?"

"Terribly uneventful," Blaise lied with a smirk. "And you, Weasley?"

"The same," Ginny shrugged, standing from her seat. "I have to make a stop before Potions. Please do make sure my friend makes it to her lesson in on piece, will you?"

"Of course," Blaise assured as he picked up my bag and slung it over his shoulder. I stood and walked beside him in silence, taking the arm he offered to me. I rested my head on his arm as we walked, appreciative that he wasn't trying to talk about what happened at Christmas. "So what are we going to do at Hogsmeade this weekend?"

My eyes shut up at my friend, confused. He met my eyes, his expression showing he wasn't taking "no" for an answer. I didn't have a choice.

"Doesn't matter to me," I replied weakly with a small shrug. He nodded and turned his attention back to the corridor we were travelling down.

We we got to the door of the classroom I froze, eyes wide, staring at the back of a blonde head. The only empty seat in the class was right beside him. I snapped myself out of my trance.

 _Of course it's the only seat, stupid,_ I thought to myself. _You're assigned the same partner all year._

My feet carried my unwilling body to my seat, my heart threatening to beat right out of my chest. I sat down carefully and did my best not to call attention to myself. Snape had us turn our pages to the Draught of Peace.

"A very difficult potion to make," Snape remarked. "Most of you failed miserably in your fifth year. I do hope for your sakes you've improved dramatically.. start."

I got up from my seat and gathered our ingredients from the front of the room. Before returning to my desk, my eyes wandered and met my uncle's stony stare. He pointed to the spot in front of him, commanding me to him.

"Why do you look like a sickly, shriveled version of yourself?" Snape demanded. I kept my eyes glued to the floor. "Honestly, Miss Ruinae, you look like you've been starving yourself. I have half mind to strap you to a bed in the hospital wing-"

"I'm fine," I butt in. I've tried my best to eat. I just didn't have much of an appetite. "I'm just tired." It wasn't a total lie, I supposed. I wasn't sleeping well at all. But Snape clearly didn't believe me.

"Come to my office on your free period," Snape ordered. I tried to decline him but he cut me off with a raised hand. "That was not a question, Imogen. Now get back to your station."

I turned on my heels and returned to the shared desk at the back of the room setting the potion ingredients on the desk. I did my best to organize them neatly by order of when they would be needed. As I did, my eyes fell on my left hand and the glistening ring that rested on my finger. My mind wandered to the night the ring was placed on my hand.

 _He pulled a box out of his sweatpants pocket and handed it to me. I opened it warily and stared down at what lay inside. The ring was silver, and had a single emerald on it. Simple yet stunning._

 _"Draco, you're not trying to- I mean we're so y-"_

 _"I'm not proposing, Imogen," he said with a chuckle, taking the ring out of the box and putting it on my finger. "This is a promise. Once that ring is on, it won't come off. Not unless one of us stops loving the other."_

I was pulled from the memory when a pale hand grazed mine as it reached for the powdered moonstone I was fiddling with. I jolted in fear, ripping my hand away in response to the electricity that coursed through me at his touch. I looked away, closed my eyes and breathed in deep to calm myself and the shaking that took over my body.

"Honestly Miss Ruinae, how could you possibly expect to be remotely useful if you aren't even paying attention to your potion," Snape snapped at me. My head whipped back toward my uncle and my eyes met his. For a brief moment, realization shone across his face. It vanished and he raised an eyebrow at me. I nodded and turned to look at the cauldron. A hand was held out to me, holding a stirrer.

"Stir," my partner ordered quietly. I hesitated. "We don't have to talk just make yourself look involved and I'll make sure we pass." I did as instructed, taking the utensil and beginning to stir with a shaky hand. "Steadily. Stir it until it turns purple." I did so carefully and watched the potion until it turned a shade of royal purple. The blonde thanked me and I dropped the spoon and fiddled with the ingredients to distract myself.

As the end of the class neared, my partner added the last drop of hellebore and the potion turned a bright turquoise.

"We will test your potions tomorrow," Snape announced once everyone was finished cleaning up their stations. "Class is over. Get out." I gathered my things quickly and turned to head to transfiguration.

"Imogen- please wait," the boy behind me called. I stopped, frozen in my tracks. My body turned toward him even though my brain screamed for me to leave. My brown eyes met his lifeless, blue ones. They begged me to stay. "I'm so so-"

"Don't," I stopped him with a raised hand. I couldn't do this right now. Not here.

"Please listen to me," he insisted as he reached for the hand I had raised to cut him off. I jerked away and clutched my hand to my chest. His eyes followed its movements and landed on his ring.

"I can't," I said while backing away. My hip bumped against my stool and sent it crashing to the ground. In shock of the loud noise, my body took over and I dashed from the room. Snape shouted after me and I forced myself to ignore his cries for me to come back.

 _Run, Imogen,_ my mind screamed at me.

 _Run_.

 **A/N : i literally wrote this chapter 3 times. for some reason it would not publish, the document just kept getting erased. sorry it took forever. i am going to update this story at least once a month but the goal is biweekly. thank you for hanging in there with me guys. until next time..**

 **Review and let me know what you think so far!**


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